StateoftheOzarks General Store: THE GREAT AND ILLUSTRIOUS STORY OF BILLY LAGG & THE MISSOURI TATER WAGON BOYS


		• HOME • GENERAL STORE • NATURAL HERITAGE • HISTORY, CULTURE & CRAFTSMANSHIP
		• BLUEGRASS NEWS


	BILLY LAGG Index • MEMORIES, OZARK STYLE Bluegrass News Index • MIKE ANDES • BLUEGRASS ’10 • BILLY LAGG • GOBS General Store • GENERAL STORE HOME • BLUEGRASS NEWS • BLUEGRASS FESTS • OZARK FESTS • GOSPEL NEWS

THE GREAT & ILLUSTRIOUS STORY OF BILLY LAGG & THE MISSOURI TATER WAGON BOYS (by Pepper Jackson)

Pepper Jackson writes, “I have this twisted hankerin’ sometimes to write stories. Well, this one kinda got outta hand and I decided to ‘spin a yarn’ on a my friend, D.A. Callaway.

“The joke began by sending him some emails from ‘my band’ ...Billy Lagg & The Missouri Tater Wagon Boys. Billy was trying to land a gig at the famous Silver Dollar City Bluegrass & BBQ. As the joke evolved our dear Larry Sifford got involved. It came to a culmination on the opening day of Silver Dollar City’s Bluegrass & BBQ when Larry and I found our friend D.A.and we began to visit. Larry began asking D.A. about bands to hire and wanted to know if he had ever heard of ‘them Tater Wagon Boys.’

“At first D.A.didn’t recognize the band, then I said I had heard them over in Kentucky and D.A. said, ‘Yeah, I remember them. He sent me a bunch of emails...he’s a long winded feller….’

“At that point the hook was set and we revealed the joke on D.A. I was laughing so hard when I saw the expression on his face and can only remember him saying, ‘Rats, rats, rats, you bunch of rats.’

“There is a lot of reading in these emails, but remember this took about three months to build on. I hope you enjoy it as much as D.A., Larry and I did:

FROM: Pepper (AKA Billy Lagg)
TO: D.A. Callaway Bluegrass & BBQ Director Silver Dollar City, MO

Mr. D.A. Let me introduce myself, I am Billy Lagg and I am the founder & general manager of “Billy Lagg & the Missouri Tater Wagon Boys.“ We are a bluegrass group based out of Owen, MO, near the Bryant Creek, famous for “sucker grabbin’.”

We was on our way home from Oklahoma last weekend via the highway when we happened upon one of your billboards advertising Silver Dollar City Bluegrass & BBQ. Well, I know you’re the man to talk to so I wanted to throw our hat in the ring on this festival. So I’ll share a little background on our group.

Hang on cause he we go; Mr. D.A. me and the Tater Wagon Boys play all the classics - Mr. Bill Monroe (we tip our hats every time his name is mentioned since his passing), Dr. Ralph Stanley (we still been trying to get an appointment with him to check out Mikey’s foot problem but he don’t return our calls) and of course our favorite and the man who tried to copy my band’s name, Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder.

But I don’t hold no grudges, Ricky’s a fine man and I told him that one time when we opened for him; “Ricky, thunder and tater wagon is the same thing. Ain’t you ever heard your grandma say someone spilled the tater wagon when it’s storming outside?” Ricky just looked at me with his jaw dropped open like I was stupid or something; I think he just didn’t have the smarts to give me a good answer.

Oh, to make sure you understand; when I said “we opened for him” I meant we was eating at the Lambert’s in Sikeston, MO one evening’ while on a road trip and this fancy “motor coach” pulled onto the lot and parked near our 1972 GMC school bus/motor coach.

Mikey was still sitting on the bus with his window down and saw Ricky exit the bus with some of them Thunder boys. Mikey texted me, I mean he wrote on his wipey board and held it out the window so I could see it “Ricky Skag is heded n 2 eat” So me and the rest of the Tater Wagon Boys jumped up to meet him at the door.

Well, I opened it about the time some gal throwed one of them big ole rolls and it nearly hit Ricky on his poofy long hair but it missed and hit Bing in the head. Now you know where the phase “Bing” comes from (MicroSoft stole that one too, but that’s another story).

So anyway that’s what I meant when I said “we opened for him.” Mr. D.A. me and the Tater Wagon Boys is fans of Silver Dollar City’s Bluegrass & BBQ. Earnest, our flat top guitar picker has been there a couple of times and he said it was the “Super Bowl of Bluegrass.” Earnest is also our: electronics guru/sound guy/ bus mechanic and just a regular fixing fool. Anyway he has constructed this contraption that records the radio advertisements with them folks singing about “Bluegrass and Bar B Q” via the bus radio. He then records it on his reel to reel recorder.

We play it over and over trying to imitate the harmony that group has, boy they are good. Bing tries to sing the girl’s part, but he ain’t got the voice she has. Who is that girl? She has such a fine voice. Earnest records it so if we are playing in some church on a Sunday evening or at the Bendy Road Civic Center we can just play it when we leave and is on our way home.

It’s the darndest thing I ever saw but it sure works. Only problem is the big ole antenna he has to string up if we is out in Oklahoma or down in Arkansas in some of them remote places the Tater Wagon Boys play at. It’s a bunch of wire and he generally runs it from the bus to a nearby tree or telephone pole. He said it was something he learned while in the Marines (Semper Fi) back during that Vietnam War.

Anyway it works good except for when it’s storming. A good strike of lightning will generally take out the radio along with the starter and battery on the bus. He fixed that after the last lightning strike down in Bendy Road, Arkansas. He put in a big ole electric box with what he calls “breakers.” Anyway it works good now; we ain’t had to replace the starter and battery on the bus now for about 2 months.

Mr.D.A. I just wanted to send you this letter to tell you we really think we got what it takes to play in that Bluegrass & BBQ. Unfortunately, we don’t get to spend a whole lot of time in that part of the hills. It’s tough out here on the road as you well know. But me and the Tater Wagon Boys don’t mind the long days and miles we travel. It is our job and we like it. If it weren’t for my lovely girlfriend Bessie Lou it would be a lot tougher.

But since she has a regular job at the Sonic Drive Inn and is able to help support us when our CD sales are a little weak. This economy has hurt us a little, but bluegrass people on the road are really good to us. Those folks in Damp, OK at the First Primitive Baptist Church fed us dinner and took up a “love offering” and bought one of our CD’s. Not to brag none, but we left outta there with enough to put gas in the bus and put a little jingle in our pockets.

Mr. D.A. got to go and do some more promoting, I send out lots of emails and promotional material. If you will send me an address I will send you our gospel CD- “Let the Thunder Roll Lord, Let the Thunder Roll.”

We get on the road early on Wednesday and head back down into Arkansas. We got 3 shows lined up this week; one at the chicken processing plant just outside Mallard, Arkansas. They are having an employee appreciation lunch and we will be entertaining them. Sure look forward to the Chicken Tenders Dinner that we will be enjoying as part of our compensation.

Then it’s back to Bendy Road, Arkansas for a return engagement at the Civic Center there. It’s really an old barn but they like to call it their Civic Center. We got 2 shows at Bendy Road, 6:35 pm on Friday and 6:36 pm on Saturday then it’s a long run to the house and we should get in sometime in the wee hours of Sunday morning. We will enjoy the Lord’s Day at our church singing from the hymnal. Then it’s the usual turnaround beginning on Monday, the Tater Wagon Boys will clean all the aluminum cans out of the bus for recycling (Bing and Darrell got an addiction to Mountain Dew, the soda pop variety).

Earnest will make all the necessary repairs to the bus on Monday & Tuesday while I try to promote some more and get us gigs lined up for the next weekend, you know the routine. If you wondering why I didn’t mention Mikey during this part, the only thing we let Mikey do is play Bass and burn the trash.

He is awful bad about tearing things up. But he does like to play with matches so we let him burn the trash. We make sure somebody watches him when he does, he can go through a whole box of matches burning just one barrel of trash. This cuts into the profit margin of the band so that’s why we watch him.

Mr. D.A. thanks again for your hard work in putting that Bluegrass & BBQ Festival together. I’ll make sure to send you some updates regularly via this email thing so you can keep up with Billy Lagg & the Missouri Tater Wagon Boys. We look forward to working for you soon!! Billy Lagg & the Missouri Tater Wagon Boys Billy-Mandolin, Bing- Banjo, Darrell-Fiddle, Earnest- Flat top guitar, Mikey-Bass

FROM: D.A. Callaway Bluegrass & BBQ Director Silver Dollar City, MO
TO: Pepper (AKA Billy Lagg)

Hello Billy, I did enjoy your writing, thanks. We're booked up for 2011 and have a long wish list for 2012. We have two contests; Youth in Bluegrass, and National Single Microphone Championship. We try to book the top ranking bands in each contest for the following year. These contests also let us see the audience reaction to the bands. Other than that, we always book bands that we have seen in concert over the years, and we know them to be very good entertainers. That's why I go to SPBGMA each February, they always showcase some of the best in the country. I'll take your promo anytime at this address. Branson, MO 65616

FROM: Pepper (AKA Billy Lagg)
TO: D.A. Callaway Bluegrass & BBQ Director Silver Dollar City, MO

Mr. D.A. Callaway

Back home again after the tour of Arkansas and our two engagements at the Civic Center in Bendy Road. Man was it a great show and crowd! Our Friday night show was standing room only, the lady that operates the Civic Center lost the key to the closet she stores the chairs in. Anyway all 14 people, yes I said 14 appeared to be having a wonderful time. By the time we completed our first set of 6 songs we had their hands & feet a moving, a majority of them had made their way to the concession stand and was digging in their pockets for money. Speaking of concessions, I think the Tater Wagon Boys took a shine to the Possum nuggets which was selling for $2.35 for 6. The dipping sauce was a Tabasco based barbecue and boy howdy did it put a fire in your belly after eating 6 of them.

When we started our second set, Bing took a break on his banjo during the tune “Molly's house burned down when she dropped a match in the trash can.” With a slight nod of his head he winked at me and then I winked at the other boys, this is our unspoken cue to do what we needed to do and the “passing of the gas” began without those in the crowd hearing. It appears some of them might of “caught wind” of what had happened cause I noticed they weren't standing as close to the stage as when we opened the show. Anyway it soon passed and the show continued without any further problems. Next time we won’t be without one of our sponsors products on stage, Gas-X “Relieves multiple gas symptoms with unbeatable speed.” Yep, they are one of our sponsors, but that’s another story.

Got your email with the address for sending promotional packets, thank you. I wanted to address the reason why you probably ain’t gonna see us at those fraternal bluegrass society type events. We been playing this music darn near 40 plus years as a group and about all of us has been pickin it since we was kids. A long time ago my Daddy went to the Opry to see Mr. Bill Monroe (hats off---now back on). They had a conversation afterwards and Daddy asked him the secret to getting the music to the folks. Mr. Bill Monroe (hats off---now back on) told him “hit the road boy” and with that Daddy knew he had been provided the secret to Mr. Bill Monroe’s (hats off---now back on) success. When I formed “Billy Lagg and the Missouri Tater Wagon Boys”

I told them all, we wasn’t gonna join no foo-foo fraternal bluegrass club and pay them money just so they could tell us if we was good enough to pick with others. We’re gonna focus on taking the music to the folks, so we “hit the road.” Besides, Bing has got this thing for Rhonda. When she wears one of them dresses displaying her natural beauty, Bing loses all concentration on our music. We’ve worked too hard building up our music to mess it all up playing on the same stage as her.

Not that what she wears is wrong, if I was as beautiful as her and pick a mandolin like that we’d probably been called “Billie Sue Lagg and the Fury” and seeing you on a regular basis at Silver Dollar City. But, then she’d been the one showing up at Lambert’s and I’d been accusing her of stealing our band’s name, but that’s another story. I have just a few questions to ask you about the Bluegrass & BBQ Festival.

Do you have onsite parking for motor coaches/school bus? Like most music stars we designed ours to be our home away from home. Me and the boys don’t care much for motel rooms. We stayed in one once out in Oklahoma, it was not the most pleasant experience. We was playing out near Hydro, OK and found a little place called Lucille Hamons Station to park it for the night. That’s when we was still traveling in the 1955 Bel Air wagon; we had been on the road for about 6 days and was in need of laying horizontal to sleep. Anyway, it was 101 degrees about sunset in that cabin with not much air moving. Getting all of us into the cabin was darn near impossible and I think we raised the temperature to about 115 inside.

So I just let the boys fight over the bed and I slept out in the wagon with the windows down and tailgate open. Sometime during the night Ms. Lucille’s dog jumped inside and rooted me out, I decided right then and there we was gonna get us a school bus. We got home a few days later and I traded the Bel Air for a 1942 Chevy School bus. We converted it into our home away from home by taking out a few seats and putting in some bunk beds built outta 2x4’s and plywood.

We was probably one of the first professional bluegrass bands in this part of the country to have this luxury back in them days. We’ve upgraded through the years, but that’s another story. Do you have electrical and water hookups for the star’s motor coaches/school buses? We got a generator and a 55 gallon barrel we can haul on top for water if you don’t. In fact we got two 55 gallon barrels, one we painted black to take advantage of solar energy for hot water.

Yes, you can mention we are an earth friendly bluegrass band if you want. We just ain’t bought into this global warming stuff. It’s always been hot in Texas in the summer and cold in Wyoming in the winter, but that’s another story. I think I have about covered all my questions for now.

From your email it sounds like you are busy man who gets lots of inquiries about playing at your festival. I know it must get bothersome with folks asking all the time. But I can tell you what my Daddy once said “ Billy, you ain’t never gonna see the best unless you open your eyes while looking in the mirror.”

Mirrors used to scare me when I was young, I thought I had a twin brother till I was about 3 years old, but that’s another story. Anyway Mr. D.A. I am right grateful to you for giving us the opportunity to send you our promotional material.

I will try and get it in the mail this next week. Since you are booked for this year I have got an idea. How about we do this- me and the boys will come to the festival. I’ll find you out walking around somewhere and we’ll do a little show for you. I know your probably gonna have some last minute cancellations due to this gas thing.

Now that’s an offer you can’t refuse! We won’t even charge you; just let us park the motor coach/school bus where the sun can shine on our hot water barrel. Like you said, you like to see bands firsthand before hiring them.

Well, it’s time to get back to promoting. It appears we will be taking a trip over into the motherland in the coming weeks. Folks are inquiring about us over in Kentucky. It’s a long haul and an expensive one, but to get our music to the folks is the primary goal. We will have some problems to overcome in traveling, but that’s another story. Best to you, Mr. D.A. Billy

Billy Lagg & the Missouri Tater Wagon Boys taterwagonboys@gmail.com

FROM: D.A. Callaway Bluegrass & BBQ Director Silver Dollar City, MO
TO: Pepper (AKA Billy Lagg)

Mr. Lagg, Reading your mail was a good way to start the day. I sure do enjoy your writing. But, we’re not looking for a writer. Bring the bus, and someone in the parking crew will tell you where to park. Why don’t you enter the National Single Microphone Championship on May 21-22. You’ll meet a lot of great people, you and the band and spouses will get into SDC free for a couple of days, and I’ll get to watch you play in front of an audience. Deadline for entry is April 1.

D.A.Callaway

FROM: Pepper (AKA Billy Lagg)
TO: D.A. Callaway Bluegrass & BBQ Director Silver Dollar City, MO

[Pepper notes: And finally the last email to D.A. before we “set the hook.”]

Mr. D.A. Callaway

I must apologize for not getting back to you for such a long time, tragedy stuck our group and we are just now getting back to the music. Since we visited last we took a gig over in Kentucky not too far from Rosine. It was an honor to to play for them folks but the return trip home turned into a nightmare.

We spent about three weeks touring eastern Kentucky and had made our way back to the "Gunslingers Bluegrass Festival" It was a wonderful two evenings of music with some of the best folks in the business. We performed right after the James Brothers Band and just in front of the Dalton Boys Revisited. Boy howdy did we enjoy the fine pickin' over there. Bing got a standing ovation after pickin' his break on "Let the Thunder Roll Lord, Let the Thunder Roll" during the gospel portion of our show, but that's another story.

Anyway back to the tragedy; we had packed it all up and had just pulled in to a local PYB, a Park Your Bus or more familiar to some as a Wal-Mart Parking Lot for the night. The clouds had been building back to the west but since we didn't have the radio on we didn't hear no warnings. Anyway we all packed it in for the night and just got to sleep when, well, it happened. Someone spilled the tater wagon and it started raining really hard.

Done it all night long and when we awoke the next morning, the water from the rain had risen to curb level on the lot. Well me and the boys went inside of Wal-Mart to shower and shave which is hard to do with them faucet's that turn off every time you move your hands out from under them, but that's another story.

We stepped outta of the rest room and heard someone talking about a "Flash Flood that washed a bus into the creek." We stepped out and made a mad dash for the bus in that downpour and when we got there, we figured out we hadn't got there yet. We turned and ran another direction thinking we had gone the wrong direction but soon as we got there we figured out we hadn't got there yet. This happened two more times and we had run all four directions when we finally realized we was soaking wet and no bus in sight.

Then it hit me like a bowl of cold slimey lima beans, it was our bus they must have been talking about. But it was not all lost, the front end had landed in the creek but the instruments and some of our belongings remained dry in the back.

Bobby's Wreckers came over and pulled it out, then towed us to the 76 Truck Stop up on the Bluegrass Parkway. Well, we had spent most all our money on the wrecker bill so we was on our own to fix it and it kept raining. Over the next 13 days we picked songs in the lot, raised a little money and Earnest rebuilt the motor on the bus. Finally we had it all back and runnin' and made our dash for Missouri. As we started to approach Cairo, IL we started seeing signs about "Flooding" and "Road out." My worst fears was coming to haunt me again. Well, I stopped the bus and got all the boys together. I handed each one of them three Juicy Juice boxes and told them a contest was about to begin. They was all excited and full of anticipation, I explained the rules to them and told them not to start till I say “go.”

I climbed back in the driver’s seat and floored it, as we got close to the bridges crossing the Ohio and Missouri Rivers I yelled “go.” Well the boys was so focused on their Juicy Juice boxes they didn't see the water lapping at the bottom of them bridges and we made it across without no mental breakdowns. We got to Sikeston and pulled into the Lambert's for a little dinner and heard the water was closing off parts of 60 Highway. I put the boys back on the bus without no throwed rolls, grabbed a couple of Subway Foot Longers, cut them into six- four inchers and two- eights and made a mad dash for Poplar Bluff.

We got there just about dark and so we found us another PYB cause we I didn't want to drive in the dark and take no chances. Well, it happened again. The Black River come up and pinned us in the PYB lot for another two days, fortunately we didn't take no losses this time. When the river got down enough, we made a mad dash for home and just got in here late on Sunday evening. I looked at my calendar, the Marilyn Monroe one I get as a present from the boys each year, and saw your Bluegrass and Bar B Q festival started up this week. Mr. D.A. I apologize, but we didn't get our names throwed into the hat on the one microphone contest you mentioned. Well, I speck it’s probably the right thing, the boys each like their own microphone so it’ll take us another year to get them to quit fighting over each other’s microphones, but that’s another story.

I am planning on coming over there to Silver Dollar City this week or next. I will probably just come with Earnest and leave the Tater Wagon Boys at home. We are kinda short on funds since this last road trip, and we don’t take charity. So I will look you up and visit with ya. Like to shake the hand of the man who in charge of Bluegrass and Bar B Q. Just to give you a heads up, Earnest likes to talk quite a bit. So if you is really busy and need to walk away from him let me give you a clue as to how to end a conversation with him.

Just ask him “Can you whistle Dixie?” Mr. D.A. that will shut him up in a heartbeat, but that's another story Look forward to visiting with you Mr. D.A.

Billy Lagg

The End
May 14, 2011

Photo, at top, courtesy of Pepper Jackson. The caricature carving of Billy Lagg is by Mike Morton, father of Andew Morton (fiddle player with Brightwater Junction).